Jars of Joy - set of three

You know what you need? You need a jar of polished boogers!

This jar contains carefully hand-picked bogies that have been polished to perfection using the ancient technique of rolling them vigorously under the sweaty armpit of an hirsute man. Once polished to a light sheen they are then left to harden naturally in a musty hot-water cupboard. After a few months they are then gathered up and placed in jars. Now this rare delicacy is being offered to you. Don't snooze or you will lose - order yours today!

But wait there is more. The now highly trained Hedgehog Wranglers (see Hedgehog Testicles in other sets) have some spare time in the evenings and weekends and often spend it removing the pancreas from Pukeko's. They do this simply for a laugh and a chance to show off in front of members of the opposite sex. It so happens that Preserved Pukeko Pancreas tastes delicious and also a bit like licorice, so I have put some in a jar just for you.

Pickled Pimples: Who can resist the unique taste of pickled pimples? These pustules of joy have been lovingly scraped off the bathroom mirrors of teenagers throughout the country and placed in tepid vinegar to mature. The finest of these bodily ejections are then hand-rolled into a nugget with the help of earwax and belly-button fluff. The result is a bite-sized delicacy with a crusty exterior and jelly like centre.

This set of three contains Polished Boogers, Pickled Pimples and Preserved Pukeko Pancreas.

Other flavours available in different set quantities (see Fat-Spatula store): Hedgehog Testicles, Sun-Dried Blood Clots, Intestinal Worms and Smurf Pellets.

Note: They may contain traces of jellybeans.