It might sound like some sort of oxymoron but “cruelty free” taxidermy is a genuine thing, and we’ve got some great examples here on Felt.
I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-Sea,
Whence I travelled on to Ashton-under-Lyne. (It was actually.)
And the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream,
Which I’ll tell you all about some other time.
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew;
A bison? (No, it’s not a bison.)
An okapi? (It’s unlikely really.) A hartebeest?
When I seemed to hear a voice… “I’m a gnu!”
“I’m a gnu.
A g-nother gnu!
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you!
I’m a gnu,
How do you do?
You really ought to k-now w-ho’s w-ho!
I’m a gnu.
Spelt G-N-U.
Call me bison or okapi and I’ll sue!
G-nor am I the least like that dreadful hartebeest,
Oh g-no, g-no, g-no!
Gnu gnu gnu, I’m a Gnu!
Gnu gnu gnu, I’m a Gnu!”
– Flanders and Swann, The Gnu Song.
